When you can't stop the words-

    I have already written in my notebook, updated my prayer list, and brainstormed for ten minutes of things I am grateful for.  Usually I am satisfied with the amount of writing and no longer crave to move onto the next the page.  However, tonight I am stirring with ideas. Ideas for my future, ideas for the present, ideas from the past. So I came here...
    I long to share my ideas with someone; someone whom treasures them more than I can. Although, my heart is burning; literally burning, which is probably from the tall mug that is routinely refilled of coffee with whom my body is stealing its little energy from.
    My fingers are awake, clinging to the keys with swiftness, no lag.  My mind wanders to college, and the opportunity I pray it will bring.  But most importantly, I hope to find adventure.  Though, I cringe of finding that adventure at parties held by sororities and tailgating before the big game.  I want to use every connection my college has to offer and travel to a country completely new to me.  One I have yet to admire and research, one I haven't seen on tv or seen an article for in a magazine. One that will truly bring me to the end of the earth and back again. One that will stretch my imagination and destroy every boundary my comfort zone has ever built around me. One that will leave me awe-struck....one that will lead me..to the next.

"Words CAN Hurt" A This I Believe...Piece

     Even though we were the "big" kids now, we couldn't wear gym shorts or sweatpants on a regular basis like we wanted, nor chew gum; although, I do feel as if everyone can agree that middle school was not the finest time of their life.  Or at least for me, I mean I still believed that it was acceptable to wear tight Aeropostle shirts with knee length basketball shorts and to stare at your boyfriend in guided practice at more than ten second intervals.  And let’s not forget the extreme overbite held by a newly installed set of train tracks.  I was a sight to see, especially on the morning when I attempted to scrunch my already dry hair with my dad's masculine smelling styling gel.  But, I know everyone has some embarrassing moments they're either dying to tell or resisting to even admit that it ever happened at all. 

     But, the point I wanted to make, was that it was a growing time for all of us.  We were trying to figure out who we are and what we enjoyed to do, without the influence of our group of friends.  I remember distinctly that there was a point when I begged my parents to let me stay home just because I didn’t have a stylish winter coat from Hollister to wear to recess, like Madi Henn did.  Or I can describe the countless times I sat outside on this specific wooden bench trying to convince people to let me sit with them at lunch the following day.  Did I mention I was completely uncomfortable and self-conscious if I wasn’t wearing my ONLY pair of Buckle jeans in 7^th grade?  I swore I washed those every single night and even if I didn’t, I’d wear them again anyway, afraid of what people might think if I wore something else.  I don’t even understand how I made it out of that place alive, much less so mentally defeated. 

                School was a game, and if I had the opportunity to relive that part of my educational career, I would most definitely pass.  It was tough, if we were having a hard day; it wasn't uncommon to relay our negativity onto someone else.   And those who didn't have comforting or encouraging parents at home to run to, had to battle their challenges alone.  Which made some feel insecure, and not only those, under the specific circumstances, but also others too?  Insecure enough to spread hurtful words instead of seeking help for their own problems.  They picked on the ones most vulnerable, least talked to, the prettiest, the heart broken, the weirdoes, and most importantly, the popular too.  It was a whirlwind of damaged souls.  And there was unlikely a day when compliments were spoon upon them.  Tears were shed, administration was called, yet things didn't change much.  They were students, YOUR fellow students, your own kind; you couldn't break free no matter how much you try.  The fact is, words hurt.  Whether you're critiquing someone on their inability to do something well or spreading rumors about someone just because you despise their existence, it's wrong. 

                 Back then, we had an excuse, we were still learning how to control what we say and when to say it.  Now, we've had a number of experiences and should confidently refuse to pursue pain onto others.  Yet, we continue the pattern of our long lost middle school years, and gossip with a new kind of power.  Facial expression.   Defined as a suggestive or sneering look or grin. Remember, words can hurt, but so can your physical appearance in conversation or as a spectator.  Were all human, you cannot let one defeat you and make you sink to a position of predator or prey. 

                ***I’m incredibly thankful for all the people who helped me through; friends, family, and anyone involved in my youth group.  I couldn’t be any more appreciative of the time each and every one of you has given me.  Whether it has been a good morning with a smile in the hallway, to an unexpected compliment during a stressful week, I thank you with a full heart.  I am truly blessed to have come this far, and I want to pray for those who continue to trudge on through when times become unbearable.  But, I have hope for each and every one of you, and your potential is farther than you can dream or imagine.  Believe in yourself, separate the good from the bad, and reach for the stars my children, or fellow seniors. 

Tradition Essay

A tradition is defined as the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation.  However, our modern day society has evolved quite a bit with numerous technological advances and new living styles.  Most families I know of, admit that keeping traditions alive, is an important aspect to apply when special events and holidays roll around. 

                In my family, the entire Christmas break is basically devoted to a string of days practicing tradition after tradition.  Like hanging lights on certain trees in the backyard, opening presents after nighttime mass, or frosting sugar cookie cutouts with my great grandma’s famous buttercream recipe.  And since there are multiple rituals we follow for that specific holiday, I resorted to spotlighting my attention in the opposite direction to an original “Koepke/Steffens” family tradition, which takes place in a much warmer month of the year. 

            When my mom was growing up in her adoptive family, they made a habit of vacationing two weeks into the summer, after school got out each year.  She claims the trips varied in excitement, depending on where they ended up actually going.  Her father, Allyn, was a history buff—meaning most adventures were centered on prominent landmarks and homes of victorious battles.  The excursions must have positively influenced her somehow, because once I started kindergarten, we loaded up the white minivan and headed out to Florence, Oregon.  Whilst that trip took place in late fall, we made a promise within our family to begin a series of vacations on the very last day of school of the upcoming year and every year up until Hunter has graduated. 

            As a child, my mom remembers that their vacations were nearly almost always combined with visiting friends or family.  “My parents were such family oriented people,” my mom quoted with a beaming smile.  Following in their footsteps, our vacationing tradition took a predictable turn.  If we were passing through or flying over a state/city with people we knew, we were definitely stopping by for a few days to catch up and reminisce on the past.  Recently, a few years back, my family was setting out for Amelia Island, Florida and it just so happened that my cousin’s, Jacki, graduation was to be on a day when we were to be flying out of St. Louis.  Therefore, we opted out, and camped out in my aunt’s living room for a couple days in Perryville, Missouri so we could attend, and rescheduled a flight for a few days later.  

            The way we travel today is extremely flexible when it comes to various ways to do it.  My mom stated that they drove every year to their destination and never got the chance to travel by plane.  It was a simpler time then, and flying wasn’t as popular as it is right now.  “We went camping more than anything,” she said vibrantly.  Reassuring that their vacationing wasn’t always luxurious and expensive, they had to be logical and think with an affordable type mindset.  Today, for our family, we try our best to drive as much as possible because it’s inexpensive and were attempting to be practical, like my mother’s family was.  Though, if the location isn’t exactly ideal driving distance, we aren’t against flying.  Actually, I think all of us prefer flying the most and with only four people in our family it can be cheap on some occasions and costly on others.  Over time, traveling has become so much EASIER.  A few summers ago, we took a week long relaxation in Puerto Rico and in response to that, she commented, “I could have never imagined traveling so far at such an early time in my life.”

            Every single year I look forward to the last day of school.  It’s a unique feeling because not only are you excited for school to be out, but also for the opportunity of venturing off with your family to somewhere you"ve only read about in magazines or have seen on TV.Although, in past years, I have been pretty disappointed because most of my class during middle school loved to host end of the school year parties or dances, and I would have to miss them.Though, the vacation probably topped every adult chaperoned extravaganza they organized.  But, there is also one more, minor downfall, both of my parents believe in exposing us to the natural wonders of the world first, before the man made.  Meaning, no Disney World.  My sister and I really don’t mind much though, we are just grateful that they spend their time and energy, keeping us girls happy, by exploring this beautiful world, together, as a family.

Pic Collage

Growing up in a community like this is truly a treasuring experience, there are so many places to plop a squat and read or wander far into the country and explore abandoned homes.  When I think of my home, family comes to my mind automatically, and I'm suddenly filled with their laughs and comforting words.  Also, I admire my room to a great extent as well, it will forever be my refuge under any circumstances.  Without my thirteen years at Aurora Public Schools, I am honestly convinced that I would have few friends.  And this year, being an AMP leader, has brought me so much closer to the freshmen class, that I once despised.  Living in Nebraska not only makes me a Husker fan, but also a liker of hunting trips and a "have to be" devoted detasseler.

Moles

What could be a reason to set you apart, 

Could also save your life

You cover them up, with your hair

Or the confidence you pretend to have 

No matter what you do, they still remain visible 

To you.

We hold many imperfections close to us, 

Though these we cannot chose

We pick, we pull, we squeeze

We sigh

No hope--

This is a battle were bound to lose. 

"Better Days" {Song Essay}

    It's frustrating to think, that a bond takes years to become popular or have anyone solely interested in their music.  They leave friends and family behind in order to seek prospering opportunities and it is likely that the first record company won't be completely impressed; with having so much past experience in the music industry.  Although, if spirits are optimistic, big breaks usually come soon after some intense effort.  The Goo Goo Dolls, has been one of my dad's favorites, for as long as I paid attention to his music interests.  He has a few cds and always plays their music on Rhapsody, a music sharing website, whenever he's working on the computer.  Also, he's come to know recently, how to play the acoustic guitar.  And of course, one of the first songs he wanted to learn how to play was a number by them!  My dad occasionally and blared their tunes to wake my sister and I up in the morning.  I soon found myself enjoying their adult alternative sound more and more each time I listened.  However, one particular song caught my eye and lead to a whole new world of thinking.  I was awaken by reality and a sanctuary to run to when I felt vulnerable and hurt.
    The strain was called "Better Days."  It not only rescued me from sorrow but, it brought me closer to this radiating orb of hope.  The beat is remarkably comforting to my opinionated set of ears and it knows exactly how to heal upon each time I crave the softening lyrics.  The intro to the song, is played on piano, with a rhythm that is delightfully exquisite to my liking.  It pulls me in, all enchanted like; I follow the soul of the musicians.  Their voices chime together in a bold whisper, almost making in impossible to not sing along.  The silent strive to promote hope bounces wildly as they jump from verse to verse.  Their expressions in the video display fear but echoes of courage bellow after their inspiring chorus.  It is extremely evident that they had every intention of making a difference in someone else's life with this earth-shattering piece.
    As appealing as it is to your ability to hear, it does just the same and more to your heart and mind with their lyrics.  A story is told, and the plot is exposed thoroughly in the music video.  We have a choice in this world, we can muster in the worst times, or we can act, and give "ourselves a chance at better days."  Another catching line, "Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in string and designer love of empty things..."  This is SO true.  And speaks to me daringly, like what object can give you happiness?  Or I mean in deeper terms, real, permanent happiness?  An object, such as money, can give you a temporary twinge, but it will never be truly fulfilling.  I can relate to this easily because in middle school and most of high school I can admit to being obsessed with the "popular" things you could buy and own.  And looking back, I am utterly ecstatic that our generation created songs just like this to open my eyes to what really matters in life.  One last line I adore is, "Tonight the night's the world begins again..."  How inspiring!  This solidifies the chance at finding "Better Days."  They use repetition of their message by using lyrics referencing to similar meanings.  It is obvious that they spent a great deal of time fabricating the song to increase its' potential.
    All in all, I was hesitant about picking only one song to write about, but this really did itself justice.  I couldn't have picked anything more stimulating and anything else would have took me weeks to produce.  "Better Days," advocated that everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally and that is something I take very seriously when people with whom I associate with, tell me they feel worthless or broken.  You soon learn to hide your selfish desires and put another person on the pedestal because you realize they deserve better days just as much as you do, yourself.
    Last summer, my dad scored tickets to their concert in Norfolk.  It was amazing to experience such an event with my dad, especially since he's so incredibly passionate about how devoted he is to the band.  And when they started to play "Better Days," we both smiled and mouthed the words to my favorite song.  

There's No Place I'd Rather Be

Nearing the end of my first term for senior year, I've decided to take a grab at adding a bit more responsibility to my To-do List.  I've recently been hit with an epiphany of my upcoming adult choices that will soon need to be made, and little did I know, of the overwhelming anxiety that comes along with those decisions.  Personally, I never found priorities to be exceptionally valuable throughout my childhood, but in the last few weeks, I've realized that they are vital to reaching this place of contentment and happiness I've always dreamed of.  Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that, the things I've spent much time in over the years, but have minimal involvement with how I want to spend the rest of my future, were needing to be dismissed from my weekly schedule.  Meaning classes such as choir and culinary arts, were specific things I had to trade in to retake Creative Writing and open up a block to focus on scholarships, daring goals, and finishing my High School Bucket List.  Now, you're probably thinking, why are you retaking a class you've already taken?  Isn't that a waste of your time Logan?  The answer is simple to me.  I like to frequently compare this concept to athletics.  If you want to become better in a certain area, you do what?  You practice.  The same DRILL.  Retaking this class, opens my eyes to things I didn't quite catch last year, and lets me differentiate between the two considering progress.  It isn't silly.  It's smart.  And very enjoyable in my opinion.  Thinking about what I am giving up sometimes forms a twinge of regret in my heart, but then I look at everything I have improved upon, and smile.  There's days we forget what we want isn't what we need.  And what we need isn't what we want.